War of the Words

[alaterdate]

I had been excitedly keeping my friend updated on my writing project for the last month saying "Oh I hit #k words today" and "Almost finished with this chapter! Can't wait for you to read this!" With her replying for me to hurry up because she was excited to read it. And the entire time I was talking about my fanfiction project, but she thought I was talking about my original novel. L M A O.

I haven't even worked on my novel since early September. It's in that middle-part slump and I feel like my characters don't have enough character (especially the main character, who is supposed to be a little stoic, but it's not coming off as an actual personality trait rn imo). The plot also just feels RIDICULOUS at this point and I'm having a tough time connecting the middle scenes to later scenes I want. sigh

It's really nice that someone is excited about my original work, but I want some space from it. I've hit such a stride with my fanfiction project too while I got stuck in my original projects. I love all 3 of the projects I've been working on (1 FF series, 2 novels), but I switched between them so much that I hardly got anything done between the three of them. I decided last month that I'd only work on one of them and because I was having a lot of fun in a fandom discord so I chose the fanfiction. Thought I could whip out all the parts I want to do for Nano, but I quit that after like 16k words to play videogames (WAY TOO MUCH) instead :^p I did however develop a better writing habit during the couple of weeks of Nano I did participate in, but it's slowly declining lol.

I'm a little annoyed at myself about writing recently though because I write and write, and talk about writing, but I don't post anything. I always feel like "Oh this can't be posted yet, it's not edited. No one can read this yet! Not even my best friend!" Even if I don't even expect anyone will read it lol. Is this perfectionism or embarrassment, or both!?

If you experienced apprehensiveness about posting your work how did you push past it?

Comments

[kalloway]

If you experienced apprehensiveness about posting your work how did you push past it?

I've gone through this several times and either just shoved it in a corner of the web where nobody would see it, or just tossed it out there and didn't look back. But mostly I really, really have to power through sometimes because the brain-weasels decide to get vicious.

[alaterdate]

Wow, and you've written so much! Which I respect; and I love seeing your updates on how many fics you've archived to AO3. I'm awed, truly.

Thanks so much for replying. I see that even if I never get 100% comfortable with just throwing stuff out there I can make an effort in some way and grow my collection too.

[kalloway]

Sometimes that's what causes the brainweasels, tbh. "I've written and posted so much, so why do I have crippling anxiety about posting things right now?"

Because my brain is a fucker, that's why. And for a few year there, I only posted to my personal DW which... may have a big f-list but after ten years maaaybe 10% is active and even less care at all about random obscure fandom fic. (Which is fine!)

So basically I just yelled at clouds a lot until I wanted to try maybe yelling at some other stuff but it was not a quick or painless process. Because my brain is a fucker, y'know.

But a lot of the present is an extension of the material cleaning and decluttering I've been doing IRL. Like, I've found an energy to just get ideas out there, get things archived, and get, like this hobby all nice and tidy too. (It's a little weird to me, saying it like this, but it's the only explanation I got.)

So basically, maybe try yelling at the smallest cloud possible to start and see how you feel? You can go from there if you want.

[alaterdate]

I like how you described it as cleaning house. Makes me think of the Konmari method of cleaning which to me is like "when you are emotionally finished with something thank it and let it go." So, it is like I'm hoarding this stuff and it's not gonna get any better just sitting in a folder on my computer! Gotta put it out there, learn from it and move on.

I will definitely try yelling at some small clouds. Thank you!

[kalloway]

That makes sense because I am fond of Konmari and it's helped me quite a bit, so I'm not actually surprised that I'm apparently doing the same sort of tidying with the immaterial. But yeah, I think that's the attitude to have.

Good luck! ^_^